1Thessalonians 1:5 - "For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance..."
I guess it all mainly began when my little grandma died, in 1970 (Wow! has it been that long now?).
I hated "death" and felt helpless over the devastating losses it left behind. Therefore I hated God who I felt was the author of death and could take away whosoever He wanted whenever it suited Him. I remember afterwards feeling some remorse at knowing that I shouldn't really have swore at and blamed God for her death.
Then around 1972 or so, and still carrying two chips on my shoulders; mad at the world, poor, hurting and sick of life and what it held ("death"!), when one day a priest of my old catholic church called me in to tell me that I wasn't attending church or paying enough and (to make a long story short - I hadn't gone in a few years) went on to threaten me to attend and pay lots more, OR ELSE (whisper- the Big Casino: 'excommunication').
Perhaps he thought that by using his "power" as a priest over me that he would get me down on my knees begging, but instead it really fired up my hatred and rage against such an uncaring and insensative world, and he was directly in my line of fire!
I wouldn't know until 1976 that what I had officially slammed the door on was a "dead" religious system based on merits, works and sacraments...
So... that brings us to events in 1976...
(I realized later [see below] that it wasn't as much him as it was me who caused the communication gap between us. I realized later that his expectations of me was no more than a normal father would expect of his son. But at the time I was still an unregenerated rebel at heart!)
Then one day while I was sitting in another room he began telling a story of his account of the depression to a friend of his in the kitchen. I was so sick of him I didn't even want to hear his voice...nevertheless, I was listening (probably to find something I could use against him later on), when he began to tell his friend how poor his family of 10 kids were. "We were so poor", he said, "that I had to wear the hand-me-down socks of my older brothers, and these had holes in both ends." He called them his "holey baseball socks".
As he continued, he told his friend that while in school one day, the teacher told all the kids to take off their shoes and socks because a nurse came in to inspect their feet to see if they were healthy. My father protested. At first he refused to take off his shoes, but then the teacher made him, against his will, and forced him to take them off. That was when the other kids (who had better clothes) saw his "holey socks" and made fun of him.
As he was telling the story, I looked up from the book I was pretending to read and saw how he was getting all teary eyed and choked up, and how, even to that day, around 50 years later, it still deeply affected him.
Then it hit me as I realized my heart was actually going out to him:
"WAIT A MINUTE", my thoughts were now shouting."WHOA BOY! OH NO YOU DON'T. I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM OR HOW HE FELT. HE'S THE SAME SELF-CENTERED, EGOTISTICAL KNOW-IT-ALL I'VE GOT NAILED TO THE WALL, AS UNCARING AND UNLOVING, AND THERE HE'LL REMAIN UNTIL HE DIES.
NO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT THIS MAN HAS OR HAD SOME HUMAN FEELING IN HIM. IMPOSSIBLE! HE NEVER HAD BEFORE, SO WHY SHOULD HE HAVE ANY NOW. NO! I'VE GOT HIM PEGGED ALLRIGHT! HE DESERVES ALL MY CONTEMPT!"
"And yet", said a wee small voice, "you see how that incident had deeply scarred him for the rest of his life!? You see how this man, who, as a small boy, was completely innocent, yet was so embarrased that when this happened it was on the same day that he put up a huge wall between himself and the outside world.
I saw how he built up that wall of "pretended toughness", never again allowing himself to be in situations that would embarrass him in any way. With such a wall as that, no one could get through to him, and it's amazing he ever married or had me. He rarely showed love or affection, at least not in the normal way I would have liked to have known it and had him hug me once in a while, because I believe he was stunted and was afraid to open up and give genuine affection and hugs and kisses once in a while... perhaps because then everyone would see him as the 'softie' he really was behind that facade."
(THAT is what every kid is starved for: 'DISCIPLINE' YES, BUT GIVEN WITH LOVE, GENUINE AFFECTION AND COMPASSION BEHIND IT!)
The more I thought about it the more I began to admit that maybe "I" was the one who was wrong -- maybe I had him wrong all along -- maybe it wasn't him but me all along to blame for our falling out!
("WOW!" This kind of admission was new and frightening to me, yet I could not shake it off. And the reason that I couldn't was because the commandment of my not honoring thy father and thy mother suddenly became very clear to me and had nailed me right to the wall.)
Finally I came or was brought to a place where I could finally admit that I was wrong. Not only wrong, but Always Wrong to have nailed my dad to a cross judging and treating him so harshly, in thought, word and/or deed. This admission of my guilt had my head spinning, as I came to this obvious conclusion! I was in shock!
This was the first time in a long, long time that I can remember that I had deep feelings towards my dad. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, put my arms around him, hold him close and just hug and comfort him. Although I never did (at that time) but his story of the "Holey Socks" had forever, in one sudden swoop, completely changed my attitude and understanding about him. I was stunned by the sudden turn of events!
It was shortly after this time, still feeling quite sensative, when I was led one evening to pick up the Bible and read it. I don't know where I began but I ended up in the Gospel of Matthew, and when I reached where Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, crying out to the Father, (Mathew 26:36-45) I stopped. I knew something was there but I didn't know what. I kept reading it over and over again. I knew it was important for me to see it and to understand it.
Then, suddenly, it all began to unfold, like a butterfly spreading out it's wings. I SAW it! MY God I SEE it! Now I know WHY Jesus is in an agony of his soul in the garden. "IT'S BECAUSE HE'S ABOUT TO DO THE FATHER'S WILL AND GO TO THE CROSS! AND THE REASON HE IS GOING THERE IS...IS...OH MY GOD...FOR ME?! HE'S DOING THIS FOR ME!?"
Now I see! Now I understand! My God, I am sitting in an amphitheater, and only feet away from me the scene in the book of Matthew 26 is being played out in magnificent splendor right before my very eyes. I cannot take it! I cannot take such love for me as I see here! Oh my God! The tears pouring out of my eyes and onto the pages of the Gospel of Matthew in no way blurr the view of Him who loves me with a love I cannot even comprehend, and who gave Himself to the cross for the likes of me...me??? Me of all people. I could not put down that Bible, and I cried so much and so long, that all I could do was thank Him over and over and over and over again.
It was very shortly after that that the Lord revealed Himself to me by making His presence known. It was as if the skies parted before my very eyes and He spoke clearly and directly to me, saying. "I am the Lord God the Almighty!"
I was trembling in fear yet overjoyed to tears at the same time because He had rolled back the clouds of darkness that had always separated us and made Himself known to me. "There is a God"! I said. "You are real! Oh my Lord and my God!" "Oh Lord, I told Him, "I love you now and want to do what you want me to do." And the Lord spoke and said, "If you love Me, then keep my commandment and honor thy father."
"Gulp". I swallowed, "Oh Lord, tell me anything but that (Ephesians.6:2)! You know that! I'll crawl to you on broken glass. Anything! It would be easier to be hit by a semi than to ask my father's forgiveness for having hurt him all my life. Shouldn't he be the one asking me for my forgiveness???" Then the clouds began to roll back in, and before they closed, the Lord's parting words to me were, "If you love Me you'll do it!"
For two days I trembled. Even my mom saw me shaking, and though I tried to explain the 'war' going on inside I knew she didn't understand. (She has since died in August of 1998 of a terrible stroke and is deeply missed. She always set a fine example, and was such a wonderful mother and gracious lady that everyone loved her and we all felt special just to be around her. In every way to me she was the complete opposite of my dad. As fine a loving mother and lady as there ever was.)
"IF" you love Me! That "IF" was a killer! Of course I loved Him!? Certainly I loved Him!? He first loved me, with a love beyond comprehention. "IF!" Yes I loved Him, but did I REALLY love Him by going and apologizing to my father and be reconciled to him as He wanted?
'Finally', I stood up knowing what I had to do. I know I loved Him enough to do what He said. I went over and put my arm around him, looked him square in the eye and said: "Dad, I'm sorry for hurting you. 'I'll NEVER hurt you again'. Please forgive me!"
In the bedroom the tears poured out, my head and hands were lifted to the heavens, and all I could do was affirm what my father had said, by replying, "Oh dad, how right you are!" The heavens rejoiced, and the angels sang, giving glory to God that, I, the chief of all hardheads and sinners who ever lived, had 'finally' repented of his sins (Lk 15:7, 10).
I remember being very angry over her sudden death (mostly because I didn't visit her more often and felt guilty), and after storming into her bedroom and shaking my fist at the crucifix she had on the wall, and then telling God, that she, of all people had better be in heaven, and if she - of all people - was not, I then went on to use some plain foul language to tell Him what He could do with His heaven in no uncertain terms.
Well I got done telling him; in very clear terms using four letter expletive deletes, what he could go and do with himself, his church and his God, and slammed the door behind me as hard as I could, I walked out, excommunicating myself.
At the time I had not known of the singular importance of having to have and know personally / first hand the "Living Lord and Him crucified" by receiving the living revelation of His grace and glory (Matthew 16:17-18).
I had hated my father with a passion - possibly to the point of murder! He was so set in his ways and we always argued. I did not fit into his mold! Everything I said was white (and mostly it was) but everything he said was black (just the opposite).
I was starved for his love and hungered for his approval, but I always believed that I felt that I had failed to measure up to the high imaginary standards and goals of perfection he had set and expected of me! And yet, I admit, that I wasn't doing anything worthy of honoring thy father either.
My father ran out of school that day totally embarrased, and soon he never went back! (However, if it were me in that situation, I probably would have stayed and fought them all including the nurse!)
"Hey it wasn't your fault", I said to myself.
HE'LL NEVER CHANGE. HE'S HEARTLESS - CRUEL - TOTALLY WITHOUT LOVE AND AFFECTION. HE NEVER LISTENS TO ANYONE - ALWAYS CLAIMING HE'S RIGHT - I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM - NO ONE IS ABLE TO LIVE UP TO HIS EXPECTATIONS!
This was a complete surprise to him. A real shock! His jaw dropped to the floor, he began to choke up, and his eyes became wet like mine. I kissed him and walked into my bedroom, and as I had turned to go, he said, in a tiny choked up voice, "It's about time you woke up, boy!"
However, in order to understand what is about to shortly take place between me and my dad, we need to understand the "Power" of sin that is present in and ruled over the "OLD" Adamic creature so long as "I" was still alive and in charge...
Romans 7:17-24
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Paul came to undertand this dilemna and wrote about it in Romans. I did not. Remember how "I" had vowed to NEVER hurt my dad again? "I" was still alive, still thinking like a Roman Catholic under the law, not realizing that the Power to Keep that vow was Not "In me" but "In Christ"! It was still "me" who was trying to live the Christian life! I needed to find out that "I" (the "I" in me, the Old Man) didn't have the kind of righteousness necessary to keep such a promise. I needed to be baptized, put to death with Christ in order for Him to come alive and live His life in me.
So within a few months, believe it or not, I was back to hating my father again. I was hurting him all over again, and I promised him that I never would, and really meant it when I said it. This powerless condition in me not to do as God had said, bothered me more than anything in my life, and I even wanted to kill myself over it, because I couldn't seem to stop sinning and didn't know why.
I hated myself! I wasn't doing the good I loved but the evil I loathed instead. I found myself to be powerless to stop sinning and was most wretched and miserable. I didn't know what to do short of running away.
I thought saw a way of escape, to get away from hurting my dad, away from the pounding of my conscience and even away from the voice of God for a while. So I gathered up a few thousand dollars and left for Florida to bet on the horses. I was a pretty good handicapper and I was intent on making a nice living and retiring off them. I thought I could leave my worries far behind me.
However, shortly after I arrived at the race track I began to lose bets, sometimes in mysterious ways. Some of my bets would go lame in the lead just before the finish line, or get beat out by a 100-1 shot in a photo at the wire. Like clockwork my horses would find mysterious ways to lose. I kept scratching my head as I kept on losing.
Well let me tell you, the more I lost the more determined to win I became! Soon I became 'consumed' by my work, spending upwards of 16 hours a day handicapping 9 or 10 races, which normally take no more 15 minutes each. My head was constantly buried in the racing form. I kept losing and losing. I was stunned. I couldn't believe my streak of bad luck.
Then I realized what I kept myself from wanting to realize: "The Lord was taking a personal hand in this!" It was the only explanation that made sense. For I was never that bad, and managed to at least come close to breaking even, even in the worst of times.
A few months later all I had left for betting the horses was maybe $50 (plus the money I needed to get home on). I had been in Florida just over two months and I was broke. I couldn't believe it. I still went to the track, trying to handicap and play only a few, of what I considered as the premier picks of the day. It didn't matter, I still lost! It was becoming embarrasingly obvious that the Lord had other plans. I had turned my back on Him because I felt He let me down. He knew I had turned my back on Him and I knew it too.
Finally, down to my last $5 or $10 dollars of betting money, I went into a store to buy me some cheap food, and a little black kid, in dirty and torn clothes, came up to me and said, "Hey mister! Can I have 50 cents so I can buy some cookies? I'm hungry"!
The shortage of cash in my pocket and my only thinking of myself and my needs, almost caused me to brush him off, but as part of me thought, "Hey, I need all the money I have", another part thought, "Gee, he sure looks like he could use a bite to eat", so I went with the last part. Looking at the kid I said, "sure kid, here".
In the same way I had also been "Holding Back" the Lord all of those months in Florida, keeping Him at a distance, keeping Him from telling me what I knew He wanted to tell me and what I knew I didn't want to hear. I stepped outside after giving the kid the paltry 50 cents because the tears started to well up again. And as I headed to my run-down apartment the Lord began to show me something.
(At the time I did want to hear what the Lord wanted to tell me, but not until AFTER I made a killing off the horses and enough to retire on easy street for the rest of my life. THEN I would follow Him... but under MY conditions. Hmmm...did I just hear Frank Sinatra in the background singing, "I'll do it MY way"?)
It was time for me to face and hear the Truth. I did! That's when the Light of God finally broke through, and I saw and even smelled this sinfully hopeless, wretched, evil, ugly, vile beast. The most foul creature I ever saw! I was stunned that God would allow such a creature to even be allowed to exist for one second without incurring His full wrath!
The moment I saw it I cried out to the Lord: "Lord! Kill it! Destroy it! How dare such a foul and putrid thing be allowed to live in your presence, before You, the holy and great Lord God the Almighty. This evil creature has no business being here in your holy presence. I abhor it. It reeks to high heaven! What are you waiting for? Destroy it and throw it into hell, Lord, where it belongs and 100% deserves to be. How dare this vile..."thing", live before You, the Great and Holy God!!!"
"I" had spoken (and my words were based on the Truth I saw and heard, so I knew they carried weight)! The Lord saw, tasted and smelled what I had, for He was in the same Exposing Light I saw by! The depraved creature I testified against was so filthy and hopelessly rotten to the core that I knew the Lord would deal with this 'thing' as I asked Him to, and destroy it. For He is holy and cannot look upon such wickedness as this! I knew this absolutely!
Then, suddenly and without warning, this evil, and polluted creature slowly turned and faced me. SHOCK OF SHOCKS!!! I could not believe what I was seeing! Yet, in His All-Knowing Light, I had no choice but to believe. This vile and disgusting 'thing' had my name on it. My name! How did it come to have 'MY' name? Somehow the Lord had tricked me, much the same as Nathan the prophet got David to confessing what he'd do before he was told that, "You" are the man: 2 Samuel 12:5-7.
I could only stare in shock at this foul and loathesome creature in awe and utter amazement as I came to fully realize that this rotten to the core 'thing' I had utterly loathed, hated and detested above all was...me? me! "ME!!!???" The POWER of sin existed because "I" lived.
"Oh what a self righteous hypocrit; a white washed sepulcher, I saw that I was and am within! Oh, Woe is me, most wretched and miserable man that I was and totally without strength. In me, I clearly saw, was "no good thing"! Only evil."
(The reality of it all struck me right between the eyes, harder than any physical sledge-hammer or freight-train ever could. (Job 42:5-6)
Suddenly realizing what I had said and Who it was I said it to, I fell on my knees and begged for mercy. I was in a state of "Full Realization" with total fear and trembling before Him, as I asked Him to please reconsider what I just said. "Oh Lord, please forgive me! Have mercy on me, Lord!"
He was the one who had shown me my 'self' for what I was (Jn.16:8), and brought me low to this place: to the end of myself. He was the one who was all-powerful. Then He spoke. His words were cold and matter-of-fact: "You cannot serve both God and mammon! You'll love the one and despise the other."
(I knew Exactly what He meant, for I had one foot in the kingdom and one foot in the world, and I was trying to live and walk according to both. I also knew He was about to get up and close the door and chop off my kingdom foot forever. I learned right then and there that you cannot play God for a fool.)
"Chose you this day whom you will serve! Either Come To Me with both feet and turn your back on all else, OR walk away from Me now and forever...with no regrets and no remorse. Chose you now!" And that pretty much was it.
I was stunned! I expected chastizement or punishment, but this? He wasn't kidding around! I knew He absolutely meant business! I was about to be "spewed out"! Well I sure didn't have too far to look. I was bruised and injured and sat facing the Truth. In this world my cupboards were bare, and in the next I reeked to high heaven. "What a mess!"
After gathering all my thoughts, I considered all the angles as I searched for a way out of this dilemna, searching desperately for an easier, wider way into the Kingdom of God, intending to keep and preserve my own Old Adamic life with its power in the bargain. Although I looked and looked all over for an easier way into heaven, I found only the Narrow Gate which led to the cross and my Death staring back at me.
I sat down and weighed all the costs and examined myself to see if I had what I knew (Love to God first) it would take and if I still retained some spark of love in my heart towards Him who loved me with a love that first blew me away. Finding a teeny ember barely aglow for him in some dark corner of my heart, I began to blow on it.
As I blew on it I knew that I loved Him. My God, but how could I not love Him who first loved me? He knew that I loved Him... at least I thought He did... oh I prayed that He did.
Now here was my dilemna: Upon my recognition of what there was to see, I knew that if I decided to Come "All-The-Way" to Him (to plant both my feet in the Kingdom) it would spell "death" to the Old man (the Old Adamic/Sinful ME). "But HEY", I said, "I'm the only ME I know!"
God knows "I" tried and tried (Romans 7:18-19), but I saw no other me than a dead me..."forever"! (That was a shocker, let me tell you.) Although I had looked and looked for another way, an easier way into the kingdom and preserve my life with its power while doing it, I could find no other way than through Christ, through the cross. I knew that if I turned away from Him then it's death too; only it's death to my New man, or the man I really never knew or had but was hoping to have one day; like Lazarus' Martha, and receive the new me in the resurrection.
So there it was! "DEATH!" I was looking "DEATH" in the eye, either way! Death was all around me, and there was no escaping it! I said to myself: Some choice I have! Either way, I'll die if I don't and I die if I do! "Give me 'faith' Lord", I cried out, "Oh Lord, I want to do what you want me to. Give me the faith to do as I must"!
That's when He said to me, "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?" John 11:25-26
His personal word gave me the assurance I needed!
I remember reading in the Song of Songs how Love is stronger than Death... so strong is it, in fact, that no flood can quench it... a flame reaching to heaven itself. And all the while I'm reflecting on that verse I know that I really haven't any choice ...but one, the choice that was based on Love. Keeping my eyes and ears focused upon Christ the other choice was no longer an option for me. I knew in my heart of hearts that I did love Him, and that I still did, and that to me He was worthy of every bit of me!
I began to lift my head and opened up my heart so that He could see that tiny glow, that little spark of Love that I kept lit (i.e. that He first put in there) for Him. I prayed that the Lord would know - ohh I prayed He would know that surely I do love Him and wanted to obey Him with all my heart and Come to Him.
And in my spirit, or heart, or whatever, I began that long turn away from my old life and towards Him. All I saw and expected was death! Nothing more! But I knew that even death didn't matter anymore! All that mattered was Him and doing His will! His will was also mine; "Not as I will, Father, but as Thou will." All that was in me joined up to follow through completely on only one choice, and that was to Come to Him, lock, stock and barrel, laying it all down at His feet forever with no regrets, no remorse, and no strings or baggage attached.
I was the one who took that turn or step of no return in coming to Him with my heart wide open intent on proving to Him that I did love Him and would rather die right now under His feet than live another second without Him for the rest of my life. This I couldn't bear.
This is the place (at the foot of the cross) where I found out that His Love is more powerful than sin and even stronger than death itself!
You see, God didn't just come to forgive us our sins, so that we can go on sinning, but He came in order to make an entire New Man out of us with a New Heart - one that is born after the image of God!
(As I look back on it all now I can recognize that it was when I arrived at the foot of the cross that God took and had the old me crucified with Christ in order for a new me to become born through God's magnificent Love. It was there that I realized that in me dwelt the power of sin and death, but in Him dwelt the power of righteousness and life.)
As I took that step of no return towards Him that tiny spark of love for Him hidden in my heart suddenly took flight and became a flame... and the flame suddenly burst forth into a blazing inferno of love... for 'me' (John 14:23)! For "WHO?" For "ME?" "WHAT?" How could this be? Don't be ridiculous! I died, remember?! All my love was and is for "HIM", not for "me"! What Love is this in return? I cannot take it, this is too full of joy! I am melting like butter! He is squeezing me to death! I'm going to burst at the seams!
It was at that moment that all things became... BRAND NEW (2 Cor.5:17) 
(08/03/07) And after 30+ years of reflection I clearly know what it was that happened to me:
"When I experienced God pouring out His Love IN me, is when "I" (i.e. the old "I" who was always without Christ), DIED and was buried with Christ. Out of this - out of God's profound Love - a New Man came to life, but I soon found my new man back on earth again, evidently so that "the new I" could be a witness giving glory to Jesus and to God's love!
The 'Old Man' (who I once was) died...yet 'lived' - yet it wasn't "I" who lived any longer ("Gal.2:20"), it was a BRAND NEW me who lived. It was "Christ IN me", who now Lived and Reigned and has His Being.
Oh it was still "me" allright, and yet it wasn't the OLD "me" at all. The "old me" that I once was and knew was gone, replaced by a "new me". God had taken and slew the Old me with Him on the cross, in order to give me a brand new me, one that loves Him by keeping His word (John 14:15, 21).
Now, "SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING", this NEW Life that I am now living is one that I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. Where before the old "I" was powerless to stop sinning, now in the the new "I" (the new man) is the power through Christ to... "Go and sin no more"! ... therefore the scripture...
"For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace." Romans 6:10-14
"So this is what it's like to become: 'Born Again', as Jesus said (John 3:3)!" Who can explain it? Now I KNOW who Jesus is and what He's like! Now I know what it's like to be "FILLED TO NEAR BURSTING", packed chock full of His perfect, pure love that is filled with joy unspeakable and FULL of glory!
(Whoever could have thought in a million years that this would be so... wonderful??? So... miraculous??? So... Life-changing??? Truly none of these "descriptions" even come close to describing His Love! "So this is Love?!", as Cinderella found out! Well my Prince had come too! And it wasn't a "Fairy Tale".)
Now I knew why no one can come to the Father except they go through Christ and Him crucified first and lay it all down before Him! And to come to God through Christ is to come to the foot of the cross and DIE = - lay it all down - give it all up - sell it all - forsake it all, just as He says. The cross spells 'Death' to the entire Old Creation! The Blood that Jesus shed deals with our sins, but the Cross deals with our OLD MAN (i.e. with the very person who is under the Power of sin and death and therefore who is controlled by the very person who causes those sins in the first place - Hebrews 2:14).
Oh how badly I want to state to everyone why we must ALL be born again!!! (John 5:24)
When I first heard and believed the Gospel, and received the seed / word of God in my heart, it must have caught fire and grew. And so, from out of the ashes of that old creation glowed a little spark of love towards his God, put there when I first believed. And then came God's power and caused that spark; in my responding to His word, to blaze up into a flaming fire reaching into heaven itself.
It was while I was in this melting inferno; this overpowering firey love of God, in this intimacy of being embraced and squeezed by Almighty God to where you can't take anymore, by which I was made anew and created with new life in Christ - one with an unspeakable Joy beyond words and one Full of Glory. It was in His love that a NEW MAN was born, a man in whom Christ came to life in (John 12:24) and had risen in to reveal Himself in him (Job 29:11)... by revealing Himself as non other than... "The Lord God The Almighty - The King Of Glory and Son of the Living God!"
"All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him." Matthew 11:27
"For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins" Hebrews 10:26
Trying to describe such a love as His is somewhat likened to being an ingot melted down in the blazing and glorious furnace of God's Love and Resurrecting Power. Like a pot of Melting, Liquified Love pouring out and boiling over in ones heart, a heart filled with New Life in the power of regeneration in the love and glory of God, filled until he is bursting at the seams and can't take any more, or he will split at the seams and be blown apart by The LOVE of God in the glory-filled face of Jesus Christ. Talk about Life and having it Abundantly??? - John 10:10
Such is the overflowing joy, passion, purity and the power contained in His life and His love! Like Himself, His Love is "Absolutely Perfect", filling every pore, being poured into every nook and cranny, healing every wound and scar (no matter how deep or hidden), and purifying and making holy every vessel! The power of His love is absolutely staggering and His purity of love is so clean and perfect that it lacks nothing, knows everything, and fills in everything - every crack, every crevice, and every hidden hurt there ever was! "For God is Love!" (The greatest understatement of all time!!!)
Realizing then that he had stooped to "Scum-of-the-earth" status, yet remembering that his father, the King, was a man who was quick to forgive fools like himself who come to their senses and who have repented from the heart of their sin against God, he turned around and went back home with a rendered heart and tears in his eyes.
He would be most grateful of all if his father could see fit just to allow him to return and become the lowest doormat of all in His Father's kingdom. Oh how wonderful that would be!
He would go back and knock on that door and ask for His Father's kind mercy and forgiveness, until it either opened or until he died just outside of it, knowing he had no other place to go or wanted to be, except near his father.
Even before he came halfway home his father came out to greet him and love him and take him on into his kingdom and crown him and shower him with his riches and love... for the one He lost He found again, and was full of joy over it!***
"Today is the day of Salvation! Tomorrow is the day of death! The proof in our saying we love Him is shown by our 'doing' what He says! He says, "Come To Me, and I will give you Eternal Life, and no power (neither sin nor death) will ever snatch you out of My hand!" Talk on our part is cheap! The Kingdom of God is not in words only but primarily in POWER - the Power of a New Life in Christ...namely it comes in Resurrection Life in the Power of His Love...shed abroad into our hearts by the Holy Spirit! Surely He is worth laying it all down for!
"COME TO ME" is the high calling of God in Christ to you and to me.
So, if we are seriously intent on letting-go of all that holds us here (including our own lives), and have kept that spark of love for Him (that first love) alive in our heart, then we are the ones who will answer - who must answer that call, intent on loving Him ALL the way with our whole heart...until we arrive at our destination: At the foot of the cross...(to have Him lay down our old man with His body on the cross), and then beyond and on into the Father's Blessed Arms... (to receive our new life by Him... a life that's in Him... and one lived through Him)
May God deeply bless "you" in Christ as He has so wonderously and graciously blessed me. And if He can bless me, He can (and is ready to) bless you too. Believe me! Beter yet, Believe the word of God!
Biff
